First date, last kiss & everything in between

First date feelings, everything is perfect, she is perfect, everything about this is perfect. Until enough time has passed that you are hit with less and less dopamine when your eyes lock, less oxytocin when you kiss, and then you start to notice that this perfect person is not at all perfect. In fact, you begin to notice little things here and there that reaffirm to you that she’s not perfect. And that’s exactly right because the only perfect person to ever walk this earth was beaten and hung on a cross in my place. There are none righteous no not one. (Romans 3:10) We live in a society where we have turned Gods unique creation into measurable products to meet our own needs and expectations. Not good enough? Keep swiping until you come across the perfect perception of what you think will meet your needs. Satan has completely distorted societies perception of what the perfect relationship looks like. We had a fight, she’s not the one. He isn’t interested in the same things I am, time to find someone else. She snores in her sleep; I know my TRUE love doesn’t snore in her sleep. The enemy has given us every normalized avenue to end relationships and start again without ever having to work with each other for each other to build a genuine foundation and bond anchored in Christ and Christ alone. If Christ is for us, then who can be against us? (Romans 8:31) If our lives aren’t daily anchored in Christ then our hope in all aspects of our lives will be fleeting not just in our relationship. You have to have your vertical relationship as your priority number 1 before any of your horizontal relationships will ever be a blessing in this life. As husbands we are called to love our spouse as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for it with his death on the cross. This is the standard by which we are to love, serve, and pursue our spouse not because they deserve it, but because at times they don’t deserve it. My love and service to my spouse isn’t transaction or performance based. None of us deserve the salvation that Christs sacrifice gave us, but He did it because of His love for us. My wife may not “deserve” for me to be patient and selfless at times but it’s not about what she deserves, It’s what we are called to do. Being obedient in fulfilling our duty as husbands and fathers requires us to place our wife and children ahead of ourselves. Selfless sacrificial love is a love that when your live it out in your life your spouse will never be able to question.

            Feelings fade, feelings will cause us to make terrible decisions if we allow ourselves to be guided by what we feel and how we feel. Instead of chasing feelings and being guided by your feelings start making conscious decisions and choose to love, serve, and pursue your spouse. Love isn’t a feeling love is a choice. Society wants us to believe that love is the feelings you have at the beginning of a relationship when everything is new and exciting. Love is pictured as a mirage in so many Hollywood films that if we find the right person, that one true love then everything that follows will be painless and perfect. When in reality we must BE the true love for our spouse and live our life covered in truth and by living as we are called, love will remain and outlast any emotions that may come and go. If we had to truly define the feelings in those “love” moments, they are nothing more than a surge of hormones that give us a false sense of what love is. Love is a verb, its active and is an action that we give, it's not a feeling. Similarly, being healthy is a choice, it’s not easy, it’s not a comfortable route, and you have to choose to eat a healthy diet, and choose to be uncomfortable consistently for your body to grow and perform optimally. Love is no different. Love isn’t holding hands in the car on the way home from your second date. Love is sitting up at night talking about misunderstanding each other earlier in the day and communicating when it’s not fun and not comfortable. Love is finding out you married a drug addict unknowingly and then realize the severity of it once your spouse was fired from their job because of that addiction. Love stands with you in that storm it doesn’t turn and try to outrun the storm. Love shows your spouse that they are a priority above all else on this earth. Love tells you I love you without ever having to open your mouth. Love isn’t that excited feeling you get when you say it for the first time. Love is taking your wife lunch without being asked after you were up all-night fighting and you both may still be hurting. Love is going out of your way to serve and pursue your spouse in the ways that they need not in ways that you want or that gives you satisfaction. We all have a love language and finding out your spouse’s love language is the quickest way to begin to pursue them in their specific language that shows them they are loved. Love lives for serving your spouse better than the previous day. If you think you have fallen out of love and that’s the end of the relationship you couldn’t be more wrong. You didn’t “fall” in love and if you want to argue that you did then ill entertain that idea. If you fall out of your truck in the Walmart parking lot, do you get up angry and storm off that you have the wrong truck and you’re going to find a new one...? No!! You get back up open the door and get back inside and drive off. If you buy a brand-new home and in 6 months the lights in your bedroom don’t work, do you throw up your hands and go find a newer better-looking house? No, you change the light bulb, or you find the solution to the problem that powers the light back into your room.

We are all growing and aging every single day, stop looking at the grass on the other side of the fence and water your own lawn like you did in the beginning. Satan has counterfeited sin to look as if it’s the newest and greatest thing but beneath the surface of that fake appearance lies nothing but pain, destruction, heartbreak, regret, guilt, shame, and humiliation. Allow Christ to lead your every step in your relationship and never stop growing and pursuing your spouse. If someone told you that you have 7 days left to spend with your spouse before they are taken to eternity, would you spend those next 7 days different than you spent the last 7? Never let contentment steal the priceless gift that is the present with your spouse. One day we will only have memories to either cherish of our spouse or regret the way that we lived as a spouse.