normalizing: marriage maintenance
God put it on my heart to start a blog in 2020…..this is my first post (2023). Call it what you want, procrastination, embarrassment, doubt, shame, unworthiness….but it all comes down to lack of faith. Lack of faith that God can and will use me, my testimony and my marriage testimony to further his kingdom.
Valentine’s weekend is our favorite weekend out of the whole year. And not for the reasons you may think ;). But it’s the weekend we go to the XO marriage conference. For the past 6 years, this conference continues to pour life into our marriage, and this year was no different! XO Marriage conference you did it again! Re-ignited this girl’s passion for marriage God’s way!!! The experience itself is like no other, people that love Jesus fighting for their marriage!
Most of the time when I mention going to marriage counseling or a marriage conference to people, they give me the craziest/concerned look followed by this sort of conversation:
Person: “Are y’all ok?”….we live in Texas so yes they say y’all.
My response: “oh yeah, we’re good!”
Person: “Are you sure?” “I’ll put you guys in my prayer group.” “We are here for you guys.” “Let me know if you need to talk.” “Bless it.”
And then they walk off, after the half hug, and a pity half smile. It’s comical!! But also, shows how far detached we are from the way God wants marriage to be! God wants you to have a happy, healthy marriage with Him right in the center of it. So why would we shame people that want to grow, nurture and protect their marriage?
Why have we put such a negative stigma around marriage maintenance?
What even is “marriage maintenance”? What does it look like? For us marriage maintenance is devotionals, faith-based marriage books & study guides, faith-based counseling, our marriage Sunday school class, date nights, praying together (not great at this but, we will get better!), surrounding ourselves with friends that are for our marriage, and our annual XO marriage conference.
Why do couples that go to counseling, groups, retreats, or conferences have to be going through “something”? For too many years, we have criticized & shamed couples that are taking the steps they need to keep their marriage healthy.
Now don’t get me wrong, there are couples that go to counseling or conferences as a last-ditch effort to save their marriage. We were that couple. You see 6 years ago, we went to our first XO conference, separated and not in a good place at all. Our marriage has been one full of forgiveness, love, laughter, prosperity, children, adventure, patience, goodness, kindness, perseverance,…..it has also been one full of shame, doubt, addiction, adultery, sin, gossip, jealousy, anger, resentment, hate, bitterness, trauma, greed, etc. We were not doing marriage right…and we were most definitely not doing marriage God’s way. Oh and lets not forgot that this is marriage #2 for both of us…..we literally have every possible force working against us.
BUT GOD!
God used the people around us that were for us and for our marriage to restore it. He’s used counseling, retreats, groups and conferences to turn what the enemy meant for evil and used it for good. And God continues to redeem our marriage by providing us with all the things we need for “marriage maintenance”.
You guys…..it is so important to work for your marriage…..invest in it….and fight for it!!
So the next time you think about needing to take your car for an oil change or need to get your hair trimmed, ask yourself when’s the last time I did any maintenance for my marriage!