normalizing: making your marriage a priority
When God created Adam in Genesis 2, he said, “it is not good for man to be alone.” So, what did He do to fix that?
Here’s what He didn’t do…. He didn’t say “it is not good for man to be alone….so here’s some bros for you to chill with.” Or “it is not good for man to be alone….so here’s some parents to take care of you.” And He didn’t say “it is not good for man to be alone, so here are some kids to keep you company.”
In Genesis 2:18, God said “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” so He created a woman…a “ezer kenegdo”, a “helpmate”. First, He created a relationship with him. Then, He created the marriage relationship.
This sets precedent on how God wants us to prioritize our relationships. He didn’t create a family unit or friendships for Adam in the Garden of Eden…. he created marriage. Now don’t get me wrong, family and friend relationships are so important and significant in this crazy thing we call life. But God wants your marriage relationship to be above everything else…. but HIM.
If you read Jimmy Evans’ book “The four laws of love” the first thing he talks about is the law of priority. In his book, Jimmy says “God designed marriage to operate as the most important human relationship in our lives. It is only second in priority to our relationship with Him. If we put marriage in any position of priority other than the one God has instituted, it will not work.”
Here’s where it starts to get tricky…. prioritizing your marriage over kids/family. OOOP! This is a hard concept to grasp and it’s still something I struggle with. It is so easy to put the kids first over my marriage and in my mind, this is me being a “good mom” (a whole other discussion for a different day).
Let’s look at a typical day in our household:
1. Wake up, get ready for school
2. Go to work
3. Workout/get kids from school
4. Kids practice of some sort
5. Dinner
6. Homework
7. Pickup house/dishes
8. Baths
9. Laundry
10. Put kids to bed
11. Work on our side gigs
12. Bed
Not a lot of prioritizing my spouse in there. I would even venture to say this is a typical day in 75% of households. And I think this kind of day is perfectly fine, when we are able to set time apart for our spouse more often than not. And most importantly, when we keep marriage in the proper priority.
How does prioritizing your marriage look?? Especially when you’re in a season of busyness with kids, work, life. It could be date night (alone) once a week, taking a vacation without kids once a year, or waking up an hour before the kids to have time together before the day gets going.
We have things in our marriage that are non-negotiables. We go to the XO marriage conference every year, that is a non-negotiable for us…..no matter what the kids have going or if someone wants us to do something that weekend….it is off limits. And most times that conference lands during a busy time. Our kids are playing basketball, and maybe baseball. I’m usually wrapping up a class. My husband (Andrew) has clients at the gym. This year, XO landed on the same exact weekend Andrew was supposed to help with the mens Walk to Emmaus.
But none of that matters if my marriage is falling apart.
One day our children will grow up and leave this house, and it will just be us. I want to be excited for that time, not dreading it because I have no idea who my husband is.
So, my challenge to you is to sit down with your spouse and think of ways you would like to prioritize your marriage. Establish some non-negotiables. Find hobbies that include both of you. Do a marriage devotional together. Whatever it looks like for you.
1. God
2. Spouse
🖤