It takes hard work.
Growing up from teenage years through college I have to admit that it was made clear to me that in life to be “successful” regardless of the path that it was going to take hard work. Regardless of the goal whether it’s a college athlete, med school, or starting your own business the common theme is that to achieve those things hard work is required. No one just stumbles into med school and graduates with their MD and starts writing scripts for people. We all know it takes years and years of hard work it would be foolish to think otherwise.
If we all know that this is an obvious fact, then why is it that we have glamorized marriage into this fall in love and live happily ever after Cinderella type story. Which, if you have been married longer than a few months, you will admit is hard work. It’s gone so far as to say if you married the “wrong person” just get a divorce and try again until you find the right person. The answer is never to BE THE RIGHT PERSON for your marriage, the focus is upside down and backwards. Find someone that makes you happy until they don’t anymore and then find someone else.
It’s turning marriage into the auto industry, for a comparison. Buy a car and in a year or two start searching online for a newer “prettier” model with better features and get rid of the one you have to go get the better one. Don’t like your spouse? Join one of the thousands of websites promoting relationships with the swipe of your finger… ugly -> swipe, wrong hair color-> swipe, too tall or short -> double swipe, not fit enough -> swipe…. Satan has done an amazing job pushing the narrative that “if you find the right person marriage will be so easy and effortless” all the while he KNOWS the world is full of broken people and without Jesus NONE of us will ever be the right person.
Where does change start then?
It starts with yourself and the biggest marriage support system as a whole for our country, the church. The church has failed marriage. That might sound harsh and if it bothers you then good. The only way any of this changes is if Christians have finally had enough of the mainstream agenda for relationships and marriage. Standing by passively watching as the church divorce rate runs parallel to the divorce rate of non-believers has to change. The church does some amazing things with mission work, youth groups, worship, community support and outreach, and serving. The only way things change is by changing the home and that starts with marriage.
We need to start being real at church with biblical grounded marriage leadership that reaches the youth and young adults. This is not something our parents can change… that boat left the harbor 20 years ago. It has now fallen on us to SHOW our children in the church what a Godly marriage is and what it should look like.
I can’t remember a single discussion at home or at church about how to be married one day and what that should look like. It was almost as taboo as “the birds and the bees”. Don’t talk about it, it could get awkward, and one day if we pray and have enough faith then it will all work out for them.. nope.
You can’t pray your child through med school or to become a professional athlete without them doing the work that is necessary so why would we ever leave marriage and family up to “chance”. Just hope for the best that we raised them right… wrong. That’s a very vague general hope that takes the responsibility and burden off the chest of the person saying it. You can’t eat fast food every day of the year, never talk about healthy food and nutrition, and pray that your child is going to make healthy food choices when they grow up. You can teach them, show them, and live the lifestyle that you teach them but if the foundation of that is not grounded in Christ there is very little hope.
Our children need to grow up knowing that marriage takes hard work just like anything else in life they want to be good at. I know at certain ages we have to protect our children from certain things but there is also an age that children need to know and be aware that SATAN HATES MARRIAGE! Why was I on the brink of my second divorce at a marriage conference as a “last ditch effort” at 31 years old and the FIRST TIME I ever heard the message that Satan NEVER tempted Adam until Eve showed up? I was RAISED in church, never missed a Sunday morning Sunday night or Wednesday night even the Sunday my mother died. Yet that simple matter of fact was only made clear to me when my marriage was hanging on by a thread. The church and the “body” as a whole needs to start being real about the attack that is on marriage. We need to start being real and open because Satan is destroying everything.
I think it’s pretty obvious, if you just look back 5 years ago in America compared to all that is taking place today, he is wrecking homes, families, and our country. So, we can just keep doing what we have been doing that brought us to this place and see how much better things get over the next 5 years or we start making changes. No matter what, it is going to take hard work so embrace it and welcome it. There is no pride in things that are obtained easy and anything that takes hard work is worth working hard for.
Satan can’t have our marriage and he knows he’s not getting it, so his next best victory is that we stay silent about what God has done and redeemed in our marriage. If you survived a shipwreck in the middle of a hurricane, when you made it back to land would you pretend it never happened and not tell anyone? We need to be proud of our marriages because marriage takes hard work and that is something to be proud of!!
Jesus never promised us life would be easy following Him… But that it is worth it…. Strength is all relative. A single horse is a lot stronger than a human being, but a jet engine is way stronger than a horse. So, when things seem to be getting difficult in life and in your marriage check the source of your strength. If you are relying on your own strength you’re not going to last long. We have the creator of ALL THINGS that we need to rely on every day good and bad as our ONLY source of strength in this life. Strength to calm raging seas and move mountains, strength that brings the dead to life, strength with his single BREATH that spoke all things into existence. He wants to be at the center of your life and marriage if you will just invite Him in and welcome Him into it.
Marriage is the first thing God created that He looked at and said, “It is VERY good”. All of the rest of creation was just “good” so know that God is for your marriage and your children’s marriage, but He wants you to invite Him into the center of it all! He can do more than we can all ask or think, our marriage is living proof of that. Not long ago, we didn’t think we were going to make it another day and now we are at a place I never would have dreamed we could have ever gotten to. You just have to ask Him into the center of it and remember, It takes hard work.