doubt?

              In most cases almost all sin can be traced back to a seed of doubt that had previously been planted. Doubt, without any progression, is not necessarily a bad thing. Experiencing doubt can allow us to grow deeper into our prayer life and strengthen our relationship with Jesus. Doubt, that is given fuel, is the doorway to bitterness, resentment, fear, worry, uncertainty, and eventually to rationalization. You may doubt “does God really care about my situation at work dealing with a controlling and micromanaging supervisor”… Eventually that doubt grows into you rationalizing an irrational action because you don’t think God is in control of your temporary situation so you quit, or you explode on your boss and end up getting fired only to find out that your boss had plans to promote you to a new position and is retiring at the end of the month. Doubt, if not given to Christ, can lead us to destruction that could have been avoided. Doubt has the potential to become the darkness that can blanket the light of faith in our life.

                Doubt is a part of our natural human emotions. How we process and handle our doubt has the ability to drastically alter the course of our lives. At age sixteen, I knowingly and almost without question threw open the door of doubt in my heart and basically ran through it. Being raised in church and hearing “God performs miracles and is all powerful and all healing” ,which I believed with all my heart until that message came up empty. From age thirteen till sixteen, I was tormented between doubting God and having faith that He can do all things. Somewhere in those years there was a message that needed to be delivered that never was. After all of the talk of “pray for a miracle because God performs miracles”, the message quickly shifted to “she’s not suffering anymore and is in heaven.” And at that moment the seed of doubt was planted, rooted, and began to grow like weeds in spring time. Doubt at my core began to shape and mold me internally, while  externally I was already groomed to put the face on, wear the mask and play the part. But my heart and soul had been overtaken. The enemy is GOOD at what he does, I think a lot of us forget that he was one of the archangels (read Ezekiel 28). It’s easy for us to create this “little bad guy” character that is trying to get us to slip. He can take a small seed of doubt and over the course of 10-15 years he can grow it and feed until we are looking around wondering how we got here? Doubt has the potential to alter the course of our families for generations if we don’t give it to God.

                Doubt in marriage can quickly lead to destruction. We are all broken and flawed human beings but in this age so many of us have to maintain appearances externally to “keep up with the jones’s”. Doubting anything in our marriage first needs to be taken to Christ and then secondly to our spouse. When we give it to God and expose it to our spouse doubt loses so much of its strength to detour our lives because its no longer this internal torment. Instead of “handling it on your own” you now have the power of Christ and your spouse also supporting you to overcome it. In marriage nothing is “mine” not even our problems, battles, and struggles. The amount of hope that can be found in that realization is tremendous. Hiding behind walls for nearly 20 years dealing with doubt alone almost destroyed my life entirely. Knowing that my wife is just as responsible for taking care of me as I am, is reassuring beyond words. The enemy loses power when we turn our struggles over to our savior (not because since we told Him he is aware now to help) but giving that to Him actually releases our own grip on carrying it anymore.  Doubt in marriage can wreck everything. You may question if you are good enough for your spouse or does your spouse still love you. During times of doubt it is crucial that we turn to Gods word and what He tells us. A good reminder is what Jesus spoke in Mark 10:9 “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Remember, if you experience “doubt”,  to get “down” on your knees and lift it up to God. We are told in scripture He is our strength when we are weak (2 Corinthians 12:10). No where in the scriptures are we told to deal with it on our own. Doubt in marriage can show up in many different forms but we should always respond to it the same, pray and give it to God, share it with our spouse, and praying together will decrease the weight that doubt can place on us. A simple reminder is any weight that feels like I am being crushed by is a weight I’m not allowing Christ to carry.